August 1, 2012

Just a thought

I look around and see so many people suffering so much more than we are.  I think whenever you go through a personal crisis, you want to know why? how could God do this to me? what did I do to deserve this?  what lesson did I not learn already that I have to learn from this situation?  In talking to a friend tonight and recalling something that Justin has said to me on many occasions, I feel like I understand a little more clearly how things like this work.  Of course, I don't know exactly how the universe is run, and probably will never have a clearer picture until I'm on the other side, but for now, I think it's something like this:  This world is not perfect.  It's a fallen world, and in it, things happen. Earth was designed as a place where things happen, and thats why we are sent here for our mortal probation.  If we didn't need to be tested, we would have no need to come to a place that is so full of evil and sadness and bad things.  But we're here, and since we are, things are going to happen to us.  Sometimes it works out that those things are bad.  Sometimes they're really bad.  Sometimes they're so bad and unfair and terrible that we can't even believe that all of these things keep happening to us, and why us? why now? why all of this?  For me, I look around right now, and just in my immediate circle of friends and family, there is so much more hurt than I am having to experience.  At the end of my trial, I will get to go home with a beautiful baby girl, and live with my wonderful husband and adorable boy and continue life as normal.  For so many others, there isn't such a cheery end of the story.  So why does God make us have these trials? What my friend said, and what Justin has said to me before, is that He doesn't.  He doesn't pick these things for us to go through, necessarily.  These are things that happen because we are here, in a fallen world, amidst so many bad things.  We are bound to be touched by strife at some point, and Heavenly Father has to let that happen.  It is the plan that we are to be tested, and this is how, but I don't think that he says something like, "I want to take away Amanda's purpose in life for a while by making her lay in a hospital for 2 1/2 months.  And lets take the uterus while we're at it and see how she does."  It's not like that.  This is just something that happened, and God had to let it happen.  But since He has to let it happen, He has promised us that he will always be there to make our burdens light.  I can't even tell you all of the ways that we have seen God playing an active roll in our lives lately.  Even before we knew there were complications, we had things happen that we look back on now and realize were preparations being made for us so that this would all be easier to take. Now, I'm not saying I will never be angry about this.  This is going to be something that hurts for the rest of my life.  I always wanted more kids, and I don't think that will ever go away. But I do know that there is a plan for me, that there are opportunities for me, and that I can live as much of a life as I ever planned on living, I just might have to do things differently than I planned.  But really, my life is still wonderful.  I have so much to be happy about and thankful for.  I can see how God is trying to remind me of these things so that the sadness of the other things is easier to handle.  I know that God is real, and that eventhough bad things happen to good people, there will never be a time that if you seek Him, you will not find Him.  Sometimes He is more apparent than other times, but the Spirit is always available to us as a comfort and a guide when we are in need.  And no matter what happens, this is not the end.  There is more life after our time on earth, and there are more things that we need to do there, and other purposes to fulfill.  I know that.


alyssa said...

this is such a beautiful post. this has helped me to understand something that i've been a little confused about for awhile. hang in there girl. we're prayin for ya

Emily@Little Forever Family said...

My motto in life is that someone always has it worse then what you are experiencing. We all have trials that we face. My sister-in-law and I have both had hypoplastic left heart babies. My sister-in-laws biggest fear is saying goodbye to her HLHS daughter, mine was seeing my baby suffer. I know Heavenly Father prepares/prepared us for the trials we face. He is not cruel, he just has a plan that is beyond our understanding. And we do not know what we are capable of (or others) until those difficult moments in our life come. I was getting frustrated at my boys today. And then I thought of you, and how badly you would love to be home with all of Ollie's silliness, and I paused and hugged my boys. Sometimes friends that are going through difficult trials help to remind those around them to hug their loved ones a little closer. You and your family are in our prayers and we pray that your little gal makes a healthy and happy entrance into this world.

mom said...

Beautiful words from my brave daughter. So much truth becomes clear to us when we draw closer to our heavenly father. You have a new journey ahead and I am so proud of your spiritual strength that will pull you thru. We will all be here to help you, but it is heavenly father that will give the most comfort and peace, hope and light. I love you to pieces!

deweygeb said...

Well said!