June 8, 2009

A (not so) Small Update

It's been a bit since I've had an update. I more prefer to post pictures of random things, so I apologize to those of you who actually read this in order to keep up with us. I don't do the best job at that.

So lately has been kind of slurped up with a few major things. I'm still trying to get back to normal after the miscarriage- most of the physical side effects have eased off, and I'm working on getting my hormones back into wack. Aside from that, my job has been a bit overwhelming. Finally, the economy seems to be hitting us as well, and after surviving some major layoffs, the rest of us are left to pick up the slack and fix whatever problems were existing.

In general, I just feel like my time there is finished. I've loved that job, I love the company, I love their products, but it's going nowhere, and I'm just tired. I have to get over the guilty feeling of quitting, because I feel awful that more of the responsibility will fall on Justin now. I do have an idea that I'm persuing, but I'll talk about that later...

What I'm thinking right now is that I'll submit my two weeks on Monday the 15th. My mom has been encouraging me to take some time off and come home for a bit, so I think I'm going to take her up on that shortly thereafter. I think it will be nice to take a break, rejuvinate, and come back a bit renewed. I feel bad leaving Justin here all by himself, but he's promised me that he'll be Ok, and the kitties with both be alive and happy when I get back.

Back to my idea...I'm thinking of starting a business. That's incredibly scary to say, and up front, I'm reserving the right to not be embarrassed if it doesn't work. Basically, I'm really tired of letting things just happen. I think it's time to take responsibility for my own happiness. I don't want to work in a job I'm not happy in. When you spend 40 hours of your week doing something that isn't rewarding and is extremely stressful, it takes a toll on your well being. I'm not ready to sacrifice myself for a job yet. I'm too young, and we don't need the money that badly.

So the business- my idea is to make custom wedding veils and hairpieces. The beauty of it is that it doesn't require hardly any money up front, and it's something I can do from home, and it's something I enjoy. I can devote as little or as much time to it as I need, and once we do have kids, it's something I can do for a few hours a day to bring in a little extra money. In addition, it's not extremely regional. Once we move back east, as is the plan, I'll still be able to keep doing my thing, instead of having to start from scratch, as if I were to do piano lessons, or something of the sort.
Anyway, it's a bit of a leap, and I know this is the worst time to try to start a business, but I feel like even if this isn't the end all, it's a means to get me where I need to be, wherever that it. If there's one thing I know, it's that God guides you to the places where you need to be. I think that by listening to those, they become easier to hear.

Any advice you have for me is greatly appreciated. Also, I reserve the right to change my mind, and just get a job. It really is a bit scary for me to stick my neck out and tell everyone about this, but I think I need to be a more open person in general. There really isn't anything good that comes from keeping to yourself, except that damage control is easier if you're disappointed or let down. Well, screw damage control. Nothing good ever came about from sitting around and letting life happen to you. If I expect to do something good, I expect for it to be difficult. And that's that.

SO Justin- the other half of what this update is supposed to be about. He is doing wonderful. He loves his job, is playing frisbee as often as possible, and is the sweetest husband I could ask for. He's been so supportive of me throughout the last few weeks, and in my new venture. He's still working on his Master's online at nights, and has stellar grades. His birthday is this Friday (in case you forgot) and he'll be 26. What an old man ;)

We had our 3rd anniversary on the 19th of May, and I can't believe what a wonderful 3 years it's been. Time goes faster all the time, and it really does just get better. I'm so grateful for every day I spend with Justin. He never fails to make me laugh and really is always there when I need him. He might not always have the right words, but I know the he sincerely loves me, and that means the world. I never for even one blink of a second regret marrying him. It's truly the best decision I've ever made.

I was talking to a coworker the other day who has been married twice, and since her second divorce has lived with several other men and been in many relationships. I was saying something to the effect of how I thought it was interesting how many people who get married have no idea how their marriage will turn out. You can have a perfectly beautiful marriage, and soemthing can happen that catches you off guard and ruins the whole thing. But how can you know? She didn't know. She was married for 15 years the first time.

She looked at me, and said,"Well, do you love him?". I was completely caught off guard. Do I love him? What is this? Saved by the bell? Of course I love him. No one has asked me that since I was in high school. The thing is, it's so much more than love. Yes, I love him. Whoop Di Doo. But guess what- we also are best friends. We understand eachother and have the same goals. We can communicate and work through disagreements, although it's not always pretty. We care for eachother's well being, and always try to put the other person first. There are most certainly timesthat we slip-- that's because we're human. But we can forgive eachother.

I know we aren't perfect, but I think that it's ok to try. Sorry for getting so sappy, but I've just been a bit overwhelmed lately, and I've realized how much harder it would be without such a rock in my life.

Thanks Justy. Sonho comigo.


ma said...

This is so honest and open. I am really proud of you for putting your heart out there and letting everyone get a glimpse. You have so many wonderful opportunities ahead and a loving companion to share them all with. Life is good. You better buckle your seatbelt because happiness is going to take you for the ride of your life! I'll be cheering you on!!!

Coty said...

this is good. this is really good. i want a hair piece (not a topay, though). and besides maggie and you mom (of course), i reserve the right to be one of your first customers... ;)

can i do that? lol.

good luck with everything!

Doug said...

Make sure you have a website!